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UPDATE # 2.
Double checked all the ABS sensors, everything was intact and plugged in correctly, nothing was damaged, everything looked perfect.
Took it to the dealership this morning. They said it was the SZL sensors, they recalibrated them and sent me on my way, and the steering wheel was crooked "due to the alignment" and I was supposed to take it back to where I had the alignment done and have them re do it.
About 15 miles later, all the same warning lights come on, same errors. So now I'm out $114, have a crooked offset steering wheel and all of the same problems as before.
Called the dealership back, the guy thinks that the SZL sensor might have been damaged (though I don't see how this is possible) and I have an appointment on wednesday to get it fixed. Again.
So far I've lost about 3.5 hours of work over this, I'm out $99 for a failed alignment + another $114 for an hour of BMW labor, and I now have a crooked steering wheel to add to the mix of issues.
Hopefully this shit gets resolved on Wednesday, it would be sweet to have a non-lit up dashboard again, haha.
BTW, they didn't even mention the non runflats when I brought it in today, and neither did I.
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