3-minute management course

Josh49 · 12-16-2007, 10:22 PM

Lesson 1

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. "Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"

Management lesson:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure

Lesson 2

A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs,
forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest remo v ed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologised "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

Management lesson:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity

Lesson 3

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish." Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Puff! She's gone.

Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii ,
relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Puff! He's gone.

"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

Management lesson:
Always let your boss have the first say

Lesson 4

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?" The eagle answered: "Sure, why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested.
All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Management lesson:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up

Lesson 5

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the
bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to
realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Management lesson:
Not everyone who sh!ts on you is your enemy. Not everyone who gets you out of sh!t is your friend. And when you're in deep sh!t, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

This ends the 3-minute management course.

truong321 · 12-17-2007, 06:02 AM

my favorite is the 5th one!

great post!

did you make it yourself?

Comet · 12-17-2007, 08:10 AM

Lesson 4 is the bomb

Josh49 · 12-17-2007, 08:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by truong321

my favorite is the 5th one!

great post!

did you make it yourself?

Thanks.. No I got it in an email.. Er, yeah, I made it up!!

06E90Rostik · 12-26-2007, 10:27 PM

Nice! #4 applies virtually to anyone, lol

E90330iS · 01-21-2008, 03:08 AM

Sweet!

CRZ410S · 04-08-2008, 01:38 PM

Wow, I actually laughed out loud!

335i4u2nv · 04-08-2008, 03:30 PM

awesome shit... but im slow and it took me 10 mins to read... so rename thread!

ironjw · 04-08-2008, 03:54 PM

i like the first three

flyer333 · 06-17-2008, 04:35 PM

LOL

TK-421 · 06-17-2008, 09:40 PM

genius!!

kpcoupe · 06-18-2008, 12:18 PM

These are hilarious but so true!

aut0sh0cker · 11-22-2008, 02:21 AM

funny stuff you got there

12-16-2007, 10:22 PM	#1
Josh49 Major General 252 Rep 6,664 Posts Drives: E90 325xi Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Boston, MA iTrader: (33)	3-minute management course Lesson 1 A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. "Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?" Management lesson: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure Lesson 2 A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest remo v ed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologised "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory." Management lesson: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity Lesson 3 A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish." Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Puff! She's gone. Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Puff! He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch." Management lesson: Always let your boss have the first say Lesson 4 An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?" The eagle answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it. Management lesson: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up Lesson 5 A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him. Management lesson: Not everyone who sh!ts on you is your enemy. Not everyone who gets you out of sh!t is your friend. And when you're in deep sh!t, it's best to keep your mouth shut! This ends the 3-minute management course. __________________ E90 325XI, MYSTIC BLUE ON BLACK/ALUM, STEP, NAV, PDC, CWP, XENON, SIRIUS, ALARM, MUD GUARDS, CLEARBRA, CHROME GRILLS AND TIPS, VALENTINE 1 (HARDWIRED), HO CERAMIC 40%, 161'S, REAR FOG MOD, LUX 4.0, BLACKLINES, OEM PEDALS, MTEC FOGS, GRUPPE-M REP INTAKE. 156'S AND RUBBER MATS FOR THE WINTER.
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12-17-2007, 06:02 AM	#2
truong321 Second Lieutenant 54 Rep 271 Posts Drives: bmw Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: CA iTrader: (0)	my favorite is the 5th one! great post! did you make it yourself? __________________
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12-17-2007, 08:10 AM	#3
Comet Troll Harder 393 Rep 596 Posts Drives: 997 GT3, 997 4 GTS, X6M Join Date: May 2007 Location: Montreal, Beirut iTrader: (0) Garage List 2011 Porsche GT3 [8.00] 2012 Porsche 4 GTS [5.34]	Lesson 4 is the bomb __________________
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12-26-2007, 10:27 PM	#5
06E90Rostik 2006 join date crew 182 Rep 1,482 Posts Drives: 2006 325i, 2011 335i Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: CA, Sacramento iTrader: (10) Garage List 2011 335i [10.00] 2006 325i [0.00]	Nice! #4 applies virtually to anyone, lol
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01-21-2008, 03:08 AM	#6
E90330iS Major General 143 Rep 6,333 Posts Drives: BMW M4 Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Arcadia, California iTrader: (56) Garage List 2006 330i [0.00]	Sweet! __________________ 2017 BMW M4 DCT Lease Transfer: https://f80.bimmerpost.com/forums/sh...8#post23736398
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04-08-2008, 01:38 PM	#7
CRZ410S First Lieutenant 17 Rep 397 Posts Drives: 08 335i Vert Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Suburbs of Philly iTrader: (0)	Wow, I actually laughed out loud! __________________ E93 08 335i Vert \| 6 spd \| Barbera Red ext/Blk Int \| Sprt/Prem pkgs \| Comfort/Nav/Ipod/Sirius \| + some custom work
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04-08-2008, 03:30 PM	#8
335i4u2nv Colonel 66 Rep 2,765 Posts Drives: 335i e9O sL0w Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: im right behind u iTrader: (0)	awesome shit... but im slow and it took me 10 mins to read... so rename thread! __________________ "dat ***** is doin like 2 bills." Translation: That black guy is doing 200 miles per hour
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04-08-2008, 03:54 PM	#9
ironjw Major 32 Rep 1,417 Posts Drives: 2007 335i Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: 818 iTrader: (0) Garage List 2007 335i [0.00]	i like the first three
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06-17-2008, 04:35 PM	#10
flyer333 GSS CORP. 73 Rep 1,598 Posts Drives: E90/E93 Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada iTrader: (3)	LOL __________________ Don't teach a pig how to read, it's a waste of time and it annoys the pig.
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06-17-2008, 09:40 PM	#11
TK-421 Registered Sex Offender 573 Rep 4,759 Posts Drives: E46 M3 \| 1JZ S13 Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Tampa, FL iTrader: (0)	genius!! __________________ Stop putting stuff like painted reflectors and premium package in your signature. You're embarrassing.
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06-18-2008, 12:18 PM	#12
kpcoupe Captain 37 Rep 778 Posts Drives: 328i Coupe Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Illinois iTrader: (0)	These are hilarious but so true! __________________
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11-22-2008, 02:21 AM	#13
aut0sh0cker meh 123 Rep 1,756 Posts Drives: E92 335i, 997.2 C4S Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: 91362 iTrader: (2)	funny stuff you got there
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