The Twelve Days of Christmas

SoYank · 12-12-2008, 05:06 PM

Ms. Agnes McHolstein
69 Cash Avenue
Beaver Falls, CO
December 26, 2007

My dearest John,

I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree. What a thoroughly delightful gift. I couldn’t have been more surprised.
With deepest love and devotion,
Agnes

SoYank · 12-12-2008, 05:06 PM

Ms. Agnes McHolstein
69 Cash Avenue
Beaver Falls, CO
December 27, 2007

Dearest John,

Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine; two turtle-doves! I’m delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable.

All my love,Agnes

SoYank · 12-12-2008, 05:07 PM

Ms. Agnes McHolstein
69 Cash Avenue
Beaver Falls, CO
December 28, 2007

Dear John,

Oh, aren’t you the extravagant one! Now I really must protest. I don’t deserve such generosity – three French hens. They are just darling, but I must insist – you’ve been too kind.

Love,
Agnes

SoYank · 12-12-2008, 05:07 PM

Ms. Agnes McHolstein
69 Cash Avenue
Beaver Falls, CO
December 29, 2007

Dear John,

Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really, they’re beautiful, but don’t you think enough is enough? You’re being too romantic.

Affectionately,
Agnes

SoYank · 12-12-2008, 05:07 PM

Ms. Agnes McHolstein
69 Cash Avenue
Beaver Falls, CO
December 30, 2007

Dearest John,

What a surprise! Today, the postman delivered five golden rings; one for each finger. You’re just impossible, but I love it. Frankly, all those birds squawking were beginning to get on my nerves.

All my love,
Agnes

SoYank · 12-12-2008, 05:08 PM

Ms. Agnes McHolstein
69 Cash Avenue
Beaver Falls, CO
December 31, 2007

Dear John,

When I opened the door there were actually six geese a-laying on my front steps. So you’re back to the birds again, huh? Those geese are huge. Where will I ever keep them? The neighbors are complaining and I can’t sleep through the racket. Please stop.

Cordially,
Agnes

SoYank · 12-12-2008, 05:08 PM

Ms. Agnes McHolstein
69 Cash Avenue
Beaver Falls, CO
January 1, 2008

John,

What’s with you and these fucking birds!? Seven swans a-swimming! What kind of a god-damned joke is this? There’s bird shit all over the house and they never stop with the racket. I can’t sleep at night and I’m a nervous wreck. It’s not funny, so stop with those fucking birds!

Sincerely,
Agnes

SoYank · 12-12-2008, 05:08 PM

Ms. Agnes McHolstein
69 Cash Avenue
Beaver Falls, CO
January 2, 2008

O-kay buster,

I think I prefer the birds. What the hell am I going to do with eight maids a-milking? It’s not enough with all those birds and eight maids a-milking, but they had to bring their god-damn cows. There’s shit all over the lawn, and I can’t move in my own house. Just lay off me, smartass!

Agnes

SoYank · 12-12-2008, 05:09 PM

Ms. Agnes McHolstein
69 Cash Avenue
Beaver Falls, CO
January 3, 2008

Hey Shithead,

What are you, some kind of sadist? Now there are nine pipers playing. And christ do they play! They’ve never stopped chasing those maids since they got here. The cows are getting upset and they’re stepping all over those screeching birds. What am I going to do? The neighbors have started a petition to evict me.

You’ll get yours,
Agnes

SoYank · 12-12-2008, 05:09 PM

Ms. Agnes McHolstein
69 Cash Avenue
Beaver Falls, CO
January 4, 2008

You Rotten Prick!

Now there are ten ladies dancing. I don’t know why I should call those sluts ladies. They’ve been balling those pipers all night long. Now the cows can’t sleep and they’ve got diarrhea. My living room is a river of shit. The Building Inspector has subpoenaed me to give cause why the building shouldn’t be condemned.

I’m siccing the police on you.

One who means it

SoYank · 12-12-2008, 05:09 PM

Ms. Agnes McHolstein
69 Cash Avenue
Beaver Falls, CO
January 5, 2008

Listen, you Fuckhead!

What’s with those eleven lords a-leaping on those maids and ladies? Some of those broads will never walk again. Those pipers ran through the maids and have been committing sodomy with the cows. All 23 of the birds are dead. They’ve been trampled to death in the orgy. I hope you’re satisfied, you rotten vicious swine.

Your sworn enemy,
Agnes

SoYank · 12-12-2008, 05:10 PM

Law Offices

Badger, Bender and Cahole, P.C.

Attorneys at Law

303 Knave Street Denver, CO

January 6, 2008

Dear Sir:

This is to acknowledge receipt of your latest gift of twelve fiddlers fiddling which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Ms. Agnes McHolstein. The destruction was total. All correspondence should come to our attention.

If you should attempt to contact Ms. McHolstein at Happy Dale Sanitarium, the attendants have instructions to shoot you on sight. With letter, please find attached a warrant for your arrest.

Cordially,

Badger, Bender and Cahole, P.C.

Enclosure

DougLikesBMW · 12-12-2008, 05:23 PM

God damn, I just wasted like 5 minutes.

12-12-2008, 05:06 PM	#1
SoYank Major General 571 Rep 7,519 Posts Drives: 2009 E90 335i MT Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Vinton, Virginia iTrader: (1) Garage List 2009 BMW E90 335i S ... [9.00]	The Twelve Days of Christmas Ms. Agnes McHolstein 69 Cash Avenue Beaver Falls, CO December 26, 2007 My dearest John, I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree. What a thoroughly delightful gift. I couldn’t have been more surprised. With deepest love and devotion, Agnes __________________ **2009 E90 335i Montego Blue · Black Leather · Burl Walnut · 6MT · US Spec** SatNav • ZPP • ZCW • 6FL • TPMS • iDrive • PDC • HWS • Xenons • BMW Assist • Power Rear Sunshade • Logic 7 European Taillights • Rear Foglamp • OEM Alarm • PicoTray • DataToys XM-DVR • Multi-view Processor Quaife ATB LSD • Short Shift Knob • Hartge Anti-Roll Bars • AP Racing Front Brakes • 19" Style 269 Last edited by SoYank; 12-15-2008 at 05:31 PM..
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12-12-2008, 05:06 PM	#2
SoYank Major General 571 Rep 7,519 Posts Drives: 2009 E90 335i MT Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Vinton, Virginia iTrader: (1) Garage List 2009 BMW E90 335i S ... [9.00]	Ms. Agnes McHolstein 69 Cash Avenue Beaver Falls, CO December 27, 2007 Dearest John, Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine; two turtle-doves! I’m delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable. All my love,Agnes __________________ **2009 E90 335i Montego Blue · Black Leather · Burl Walnut · 6MT · US Spec** SatNav • ZPP • ZCW • 6FL • TPMS • iDrive • PDC • HWS • Xenons • BMW Assist • Power Rear Sunshade • Logic 7 European Taillights • Rear Foglamp • OEM Alarm • PicoTray • DataToys XM-DVR • Multi-view Processor Quaife ATB LSD • Short Shift Knob • Hartge Anti-Roll Bars • AP Racing Front Brakes • 19" Style 269 Last edited by SoYank; 12-15-2008 at 05:31 PM..
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12-12-2008, 05:07 PM	#3
SoYank Major General 571 Rep 7,519 Posts Drives: 2009 E90 335i MT Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Vinton, Virginia iTrader: (1) Garage List 2009 BMW E90 335i S ... [9.00]	Ms. Agnes McHolstein 69 Cash Avenue Beaver Falls, CO December 28, 2007 Dear John, Oh, aren’t you the extravagant one! Now I really must protest. I don’t deserve such generosity – three French hens. They are just darling, but I must insist – you’ve been too kind. Love, Agnes __________________ **2009 E90 335i Montego Blue · Black Leather · Burl Walnut · 6MT · US Spec** SatNav • ZPP • ZCW • 6FL • TPMS • iDrive • PDC • HWS • Xenons • BMW Assist • Power Rear Sunshade • Logic 7 European Taillights • Rear Foglamp • OEM Alarm • PicoTray • DataToys XM-DVR • Multi-view Processor Quaife ATB LSD • Short Shift Knob • Hartge Anti-Roll Bars • AP Racing Front Brakes • 19" Style 269 Last edited by SoYank; 12-15-2008 at 05:32 PM..
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12-12-2008, 05:07 PM	#4
SoYank Major General 571 Rep 7,519 Posts Drives: 2009 E90 335i MT Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Vinton, Virginia iTrader: (1) Garage List 2009 BMW E90 335i S ... [9.00]	Ms. Agnes McHolstein 69 Cash Avenue Beaver Falls, CO December 29, 2007 Dear John, Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really, they’re beautiful, but don’t you think enough is enough? You’re being too romantic. Affectionately, Agnes __________________ **2009 E90 335i Montego Blue · Black Leather · Burl Walnut · 6MT · US Spec** SatNav • ZPP • ZCW • 6FL • TPMS • iDrive • PDC • HWS • Xenons • BMW Assist • Power Rear Sunshade • Logic 7 European Taillights • Rear Foglamp • OEM Alarm • PicoTray • DataToys XM-DVR • Multi-view Processor Quaife ATB LSD • Short Shift Knob • Hartge Anti-Roll Bars • AP Racing Front Brakes • 19" Style 269 Last edited by SoYank; 12-15-2008 at 05:32 PM..
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12-12-2008, 05:07 PM	#5
SoYank Major General 571 Rep 7,519 Posts Drives: 2009 E90 335i MT Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Vinton, Virginia iTrader: (1) Garage List 2009 BMW E90 335i S ... [9.00]	Ms. Agnes McHolstein 69 Cash Avenue Beaver Falls, CO December 30, 2007 Dearest John, What a surprise! Today, the postman delivered five golden rings; one for each finger. You’re just impossible, but I love it. Frankly, all those birds squawking were beginning to get on my nerves. All my love, Agnes __________________ **2009 E90 335i Montego Blue · Black Leather · Burl Walnut · 6MT · US Spec** SatNav • ZPP • ZCW • 6FL • TPMS • iDrive • PDC • HWS • Xenons • BMW Assist • Power Rear Sunshade • Logic 7 European Taillights • Rear Foglamp • OEM Alarm • PicoTray • DataToys XM-DVR • Multi-view Processor Quaife ATB LSD • Short Shift Knob • Hartge Anti-Roll Bars • AP Racing Front Brakes • 19" Style 269 Last edited by SoYank; 12-15-2008 at 05:32 PM..
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12-12-2008, 05:08 PM	#6
SoYank Major General 571 Rep 7,519 Posts Drives: 2009 E90 335i MT Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Vinton, Virginia iTrader: (1) Garage List 2009 BMW E90 335i S ... [9.00]	Ms. Agnes McHolstein 69 Cash Avenue Beaver Falls, CO December 31, 2007 Dear John, When I opened the door there were actually six geese a-laying on my front steps. So you’re back to the birds again, huh? Those geese are huge. Where will I ever keep them? The neighbors are complaining and I can’t sleep through the racket. Please stop. Cordially, Agnes __________________ **2009 E90 335i Montego Blue · Black Leather · Burl Walnut · 6MT · US Spec** SatNav • ZPP • ZCW • 6FL • TPMS • iDrive • PDC • HWS • Xenons • BMW Assist • Power Rear Sunshade • Logic 7 European Taillights • Rear Foglamp • OEM Alarm • PicoTray • DataToys XM-DVR • Multi-view Processor Quaife ATB LSD • Short Shift Knob • Hartge Anti-Roll Bars • AP Racing Front Brakes • 19" Style 269 Last edited by SoYank; 12-15-2008 at 05:32 PM..
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12-12-2008, 05:09 PM	#9
SoYank Major General 571 Rep 7,519 Posts Drives: 2009 E90 335i MT Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Vinton, Virginia iTrader: (1) Garage List 2009 BMW E90 335i S ... [9.00]	Ms. Agnes McHolstein 69 Cash Avenue Beaver Falls, CO January 3, 2008 Hey Shithead, What are you, some kind of sadist? Now there are nine pipers playing. And christ do they play! They’ve never stopped chasing those maids since they got here. The cows are getting upset and they’re stepping all over those screeching birds. What am I going to do? The neighbors have started a petition to evict me. You’ll get yours, Agnes __________________ **2009 E90 335i Montego Blue · Black Leather · Burl Walnut · 6MT · US Spec** SatNav • ZPP • ZCW • 6FL • TPMS • iDrive • PDC • HWS • Xenons • BMW Assist • Power Rear Sunshade • Logic 7 European Taillights • Rear Foglamp • OEM Alarm • PicoTray • DataToys XM-DVR • Multi-view Processor Quaife ATB LSD • Short Shift Knob • Hartge Anti-Roll Bars • AP Racing Front Brakes • 19" Style 269 Last edited by SoYank; 12-15-2008 at 05:33 PM..
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12-12-2008, 05:10 PM	#12
SoYank Major General 571 Rep 7,519 Posts Drives: 2009 E90 335i MT Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Vinton, Virginia iTrader: (1) Garage List 2009 BMW E90 335i S ... [9.00]	Law Offices Badger, Bender and Cahole, P.C. Attorneys at Law 303 Knave Street Denver, CO January 6, 2008 Dear Sir: This is to acknowledge receipt of your latest gift of twelve fiddlers fiddling which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Ms. Agnes McHolstein. The destruction was total. All correspondence should come to our attention. If you should attempt to contact Ms. McHolstein at Happy Dale Sanitarium, the attendants have instructions to shoot you on sight. With letter, please find attached a warrant for your arrest. Cordially, Badger, Bender and Cahole, P.C. Enclosure __________________ **2009 E90 335i Montego Blue · Black Leather · Burl Walnut · 6MT · US Spec** SatNav • ZPP • ZCW • 6FL • TPMS • iDrive • PDC • HWS • Xenons • BMW Assist • Power Rear Sunshade • Logic 7 European Taillights • Rear Foglamp • OEM Alarm • PicoTray • DataToys XM-DVR • Multi-view Processor Quaife ATB LSD • Short Shift Knob • Hartge Anti-Roll Bars • AP Racing Front Brakes • 19" Style 269
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12-12-2008, 05:23 PM	#13
DougLikesBMW Fapmin 402 Rep 2,660 Posts Drives: '03 E46 330Ci Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Plano, Texas iTrader: (0)	God damn, I just wasted like 5 minutes.
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