DSC/SZL Woes, Coding Pros Chime In!

[KrakenM3]

Hello all, been a lurker for a few years and it's time for my first post.

Some background:
Became the second owner of my (09/2009) 2010 E92M after buying it from a smaller dealer. Brought it to BMW for the battery cable and airbag recalls. Upon receiving it back, keying on revealed DSC/DBC/FTM but not ABS faults, and the wipers went into what I assume is an 'emergency mode' and could not be turned off using the stalks. BM service was unhelpful and claimed that it was a previous issue which had reappeared... despite no faults before the work they performed.
Not calling them out here at all as this is an older car out of warranty, but wanted to note it.

Grossly overestimating my DIY abilities, I resolved to figure it out myself.

Onto troubleshooting:
After the next restart, same issues as above BUT, when I turned the wheel to maneuver out, the wipers stopped!
I've discovered that if I wiggle the steering while the car is "waking up" (initial key on, when the dash lights are all lit) no faults appear and everything works as normal. Auto wipers, turn signals, CC... everything.

INPA reveals code 5E51 F-CAN SZL Serial Number Invalid, and a cascade of related CAN faults I can ignore at this point. SZL data live-readout appears normal.
While faults are present: turn signal self-cancel and wipers work; CC, DSC, Brake Hold DBC do not work.

I've tried the $0.02 fix, no change.
Followed this thread: https://www.m3post.com/forums/showthread.php?t=1327946 and others from e90post and SpoolSt. and performed:

tool32,
dsc_87.prg
'c_fg_schreiben' and 'c_fg_auftrag'
Both use your VIN as argument + checksum digit

then wheels straight
and run lenkwinkel_dsc_abgleichen without argument

All jobs came back as 'OK' on the DSC87 module.

Restarting after sitting for 10 minutes, success!
Restarting the next morning... Fail. Same faults present again.

No modules have been changed that I'm aware of, VINs are all correct. As far as I understand, the steps performed should have coded the DSC to register the SZL #.

My frustration comes from the fact that I can "dumb defeat" the fault shaking the wheel, which would indicate that the SZL is working correctly at all other times.

Now I'm putting it to you, fellow E9X'ers, where am I going wrong? Any tips or advice are greatly appreciated.
I've been managing this issue for my whole ownership, so to keep doing the wiggle is not the end of the world, but certainly less than ideal.

Thanks in Advance!