Please visit one of the specific Bimmerpost sites above  

Go Back   BMW 3-Series (E90 E92) Forum > BIMMERPOST Universal Forums > Off-Topic Discussions Board > Politics/Religion

Post Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
      05-18-2012, 09:28 AM   #1
OldArmy
Lieutenant
 
Drives: 2007 Z4 3.0si
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Central Virginia

Posts: 523
iTrader: (0)

And on a lighter note...

ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2012 EUROPE

BY JOHN CLEESE


The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Libya
, Egypt and Syria and have therefore raised their security level from
"Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet
again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been
"A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.
Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody
Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning
level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.


The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get
the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason
they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last
300 years.


The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror
alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France
are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a
recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively
paralyzing the country's military capability.


Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to
"Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective
Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."


The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance"
to "Dress in Uniforms and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two
higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."


Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only
threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .


The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy.
These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish
navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.


Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries"
to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain:
"Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and
"The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use
of the final escalation level.


-- John Cleese - British writer, actor and tall person


A final thought: Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting
aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC
OldArmy is offline   United_States
0
Reply With Quote
      05-18-2012, 10:39 AM   #2
ScotchAndCigar
Banned
 
ScotchAndCigar's Avatar
 
Drives: 2011 128i space gray vert
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: New England

Posts: 817
iTrader: (0)

That's good. Funny, I was just thinking of Monty Python as we rehearsed the Liberty Bell march last night. I couldn't help but picture the opening of the MP's Flying Circus show, with the fart-sound ending.
ScotchAndCigar is offline   United_States
0
Reply With Quote
      05-18-2012, 11:34 AM   #3
Fox128i
First Lieutenant
 
Fox128i's Avatar
 
Drives: 2012 E82
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Dromund Kaas

Posts: 317
iTrader: (0)

Garage List
2012 128i  [4.75]
That gave me a good chuckle, especially the bit about the French. Gotta love John Cleese
__________________
Deutsche Bahn, DB | Österreichische Bundesbahnen, ÖBB | Schweizerische Bundesbahnen, SBB
Fox128i is offline   Germany
0
Reply With Quote
      05-18-2012, 12:03 PM   #4
mspeasl
Sixties Drag Racer
 
mspeasl's Avatar
 
Drives: 2011 Cashmere Silver 528i
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Decatur, IL - USA

Posts: 410
iTrader: (0)

This is a good one. Finally something we all can agree about.
__________________
Mspeasl - Central Illinois - USA :
My Garage: 2011 - Cashmere Silver Metallic BMW, 528i (Delivered 17 January 2011)
2008 - Radiant Red Toyota, M6 'X-Runner' (Delivered 15 November 2007)
1957 - Chevrolet Bel Air 2dr Coupe' Drag Car (2nd Owner since 1964)
1947 - Chevrolet Sport Master Coupe' Street Rod (2nd Owner since 1974)
mspeasl is offline   United_States
0
Reply With Quote
      05-31-2012, 12:30 PM   #5
ecleland
First Lieutenant
 
ecleland's Avatar
 
Drives: 2011 335d (sold)
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Texas

Posts: 377
iTrader: (1)

Garage List
2007 BMW X5  [0.00]
2008 Mini  [0.00]
Laughed so loud had to close my office door
ecleland is offline   United_States
0
Reply With Quote
      05-31-2012, 03:47 PM   #6
GoldenMember
If you ain't first, you're last!
 
GoldenMember's Avatar
 
Drives: '13 Boxster S + 10' 1198S
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Europe

Posts: 565
iTrader: (0)

I like the Spanish and Australian ones
GoldenMember is offline   Singapore
0
Reply With Quote
      05-31-2012, 08:55 PM   #7
kmarei
Major General
 
kmarei's Avatar
 
Drives: 1988 E30 M3 Evo II
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Reston, VA

Posts: 6,480
iTrader: (33)

Garage List
Hilarious
Love the one about the french
I downloaded the month python app on my iPhone
It's got some of their best bits
The dead parrot skit still kills me
__________________
This user has been banned from the 4 series forum because he doesn't sing its merits like the admins want us all to

kmarei is offline   Egypt
0
Reply With Quote
Post Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 07:37 AM.




e90post
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.0
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
1Addicts.com, BIMMERPOST.com, E90Post.com, F30Post.com, M3Post.com, ZPost.com, 5Post.com, 6Post.com, 7Post.com, XBimmers.com logo and trademark are properties of BIMMERPOST